• Tue. Nov 24th, 2020

THOUGHTS ON MY LIFE RIGHT NOW

Byadmin

Feb 16, 2020

Y’all I hate to be this way….I don’t have much to share right now as I try to dig myself out of this black hole I have been in for the last week.  Some of the things that have been thrown at me have brought me to my knees….with these thoughts running through my mind ……what the heck did I do to deserve what feels like hatred from someone I was with for 30 years?  A need to punish…..I am at a loss……you win.  


These events have been extremely difficult for me.  Some of you have known me for 10 years and I pride myself in being able to see the light…and the humor in life.  My sisters and close friends would say I am like Pollyanna…seeing life through rose colored glasses.

I know it’s bad when I can’t even get excited about design.  Don’t get me wrong….if I have heard this once I have heard it a thousand times….especially this week….that things will get better.  I get it but dang right now……I am having a hard time just pushing forward.

So many thoughts running through my head….so many scenarios that maybe I could have changed…should have changed but didn’t.  I swear being a creative is a curse.  All of you practical people…..you left brain….logical humans who can see situations so much better than the dreamers….I envy you.

I can’t even describe what I am feeling because I am sure somebody would send the authorities over here to check on me:)   The word  despair comes to mind. 
I am not writing this for sympathy….it’s not like I don’t know I am loved by my family and friends and by many of you that I have never met but have lifted me up these last months.  I guess I am just mourning….and I understand that just has to run it’s course….right?

All I can say is hurry the hell up because I want the joy back in my life.

Thanks for reading….appreciating….commenting and sticking with me for this phase in my life.
  
This is me….raw…..what I am going through and I am sure many of you have been there.  In fact I am positive I am not alone in these post divorce feelings.  I mean there have been books written about it….and movies made.

You will be able to feel me…..as I try to climb towards the light.

I promise this will not become a blog about my life….heck no.   This is “one and done”….. I WILL BE BACK TO DESIGN AND FASHION.

Yesterday I killed a spider running like a thief in my closet and I actually chuckled  because as everyone who is afraid of spiders has said…..leave this closet….lock it up and never return.

There is still some laughter deep down in there:)





#lookingformynewnormal










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